Nighttime Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading comedians spent the airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits international citizens to buy U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to wealthy applicants: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.