The Advice from A Father That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."